By writing this book, I don’t want to make you feel sad, depressed or distressed, but the opposite: I want to make you see that there’s still a way. However impossible it might seem, however dark it might look, there’s always a way, a switch. You just need to find it and turn on the lights.

“Oh, but it’s so hard, I can’t do it, I’m a piece of sh*t!” - Shut up! You may be a piece of shit but you’re not an unable brainless person. You can do a lot of things, you can make it different. Don’t act like you already lost everything because you still have many things to lose. If you will lose them or not, it’s up to you.

Actually, we’re all pieces of shit floating in the sea of life. Some swim better than others. Don’t let the current take you, tame the current, you’re capable of it! I know it ‘cause I did it when I thought I could not. Then what can we do? If we get out of the sea, we die and that’s not what we want, right? (I hope you said ‘right’.)

Use the current in your favor, adapt to conditions! I promise I will explain it with more details in the next chapter, but for now, try to think a little about it: do you want to just float as a depressed piece of you-know-what or you want to become stronger person? It’s not hard to answer and that’s why you’ll read the next chapter.

“But, Agatha, why you called this book “The Unholy Bible” if you don’t intend to put any satanic content in this?” First thing first, I needed a title that would get attention of many people. I need to sell, right? Fuck you, capitalism. But the title makes some sense, of course, it wasn’t randomly chosen. During this book, you’ll see I am not a fan of religions and this entire book is about me creating my own religion, my own philosophy. Therefore, it’s totally unholy.

People think an unholy thing is a satanic thing and they’re wrong. Unholy is just not holy, stop making everything about that christian God. I am not against this guy, I swear, I just have my own thoughts. Anyways, when I call it unholy, I mean it’s not about any religion. When I call it a Bible, I mean it’s a book from a religion. Contradictory. I’ll be honest, neither me can explain this title, I just need you to view what I’m talking about, can you? If you can’t, I don’t care, I’ll keep writing it.

Take a seat, get a cup of tea and have a good reading.

I like to compare life’s adversities with an earthquake: unstable, unpredictable and uncontrollable. It quakes, it doesn’t matter how much tears you shed, how loud you scream, how hard you pray, it will keep quaking.

What do we do? Don’t try to play the unshakable hero, you’re not one. If it quakes, quake too! “Oh my (any-divinity-you-believe), Agatha! What are you telling us to do?” It’s simple: if you have a disease, you can’t get healed with a snap of fingers. Don’t try to face a fucking earthquake, go look for medical help!

If you do nothing against life’s adversities, they’ll only get worse and worse til you won’t stand it anymore. Soon you’ll die and your poor spirit will wonder while going up to the heaven “Why did I die? I battled so hard!” You didn’t! You were a fool in life! If you would’ve battled hard, you’d had gone look for medical help, you didn’t, bro.

You get me? If you’re in a earthquake, quake too, run, protect yourself, try to do something, you’re not made of steel, you’re made of glass and you can break at anytime. We’re all glass, we’re all humans and we’re not immortal, then try to stop acting like you are. Don’t be ashamed to feel sad because something went very wrong, that’s normal, that’s human. Be ashamed if you keep all your tears, if you keep all your feelings and do nothing about them.

Okay, breathe. Now you put your feelings out, it’s time to survive to this earthquake. You cried, you screamed, but as I said, it keeps quaking. Run! Running doesn’t make you coward, only means you love your life and don’t wanna die. Maybe you wanna die, maybe you hate your life, I understand you, I hate mine too. But why give up? Giving up makes you coward, not running. You wanna be a coward? “Oh, I don’t care about being a coward…” Well, then, I have bad news for you, you’re throwing out the most important thing in your life: your dignity.

Running is not enough to survive, of course. You have to do something about the earthquake. Charles Darwin once wrote: “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is most adaptable to change.” If you don’t know Darwin, I recommend you some hours of biology books. If you know him, you know how important this statement is.

Be adaptable. An earthquake is unstable, if everytime it changes, you feel helpless, you will die, bro. You have to learn how to tame the current, how to use it in your favor. Remember the prologue? Let’s take that example of a piece of shit again.

In the middle of the sea, you find a trunk. The strongest piece of shit would try to face it and would be barred by it. The most intelligent piece would try to think on a solution and may find it, but that may be too late and it wouldn’t have more time. But the most adaptable piece would say “fuck, a trunk”. It wouldn’t get desperate trying to avoid it, it wouldn’t play the hero trying to face it. It would deal with the situation calmly and panicless. It would deep breathe and say “yeah, a trunk, I can’t face it, if I think too much, I get crazy, I will get used to it.”

Oh, Jesus! Agatha Melina told her fans to do nothing about their problems! No, no and no! Absolutely no! The opposite, duh! If you get used to your problems, you can solve them faster, you can be less desperate, you will avoid a big snowball. After you get used to the earthquake, think! When you’re quaking at the same pace as the earthquake, you can understand it better, you can see the things clearer.

Please, I need you to understand that you’re not unbreakable. Don’t play the strongest, don’t play the most intelligent, don’t play anything! Don’t play the most adaptable, be the most adaptable, be the specie that will survive. When you do it, you won’t need to cry, you won’t need to run, you will see your problems as something easily solvable.

I need some water, I’m tired of typing letter after letter telling you how you should see your problems. You’re not a kid, you’re not an unable brainless person, you’re not irrational. Don’t be desperate. Act calmly and you’ll see how much difference it will make in your life, how much easy things will seem.

“A man is a free being who is always changing into himself.” - Thomas Merton once said. He was a writer, a social activist, and most important, a religious studies scholar. He was right when he said a man is a free being. We make our own choices, if we fail, that’s our fault, if not, that’s thanks to us.

For years, I tried to fit myself somewhere. I looked for a place I could get in and feel in home, but I didn’t find. I’ve been in churches, magical circles, spiritist centers, and I couldn’t find myself anywhere. Why?

I had a problem with rules. Every religion has rules, dogmas and practices you have to do. But I always saw myself as a free being. Honestly, I hate rules. I think humans should be free to do whatever they want, since they have notion what they’re doing. That’s why my favorite quote is “Do whatever you want if if doesn’t hurt anyone.” I learned that when I was studying about wicca, a neopagan religion.

Yeah, wicca was a very free religion, I thought that would be perfect to me, I identified with many beliefs and I started doing what they call The Wheel of the Year. But months later I realized that wasn’t for me. They had rules. However liberal they might be, they had rules. Celebrate the moon tonight or die. Just kidding, you don’t die if you don’t celebrate the moon, but it’s like an obligation you have when you join the religion. I hate obligations! As I said, I see myself as a free being, I do whatever I want when I want. If I didn’t celebrate the full moon this night, next one I can’t do it and that makes me fail with the Wheel of the Year.

But calm down, Agatha. Wicca’s not the unique neopagan religion, right? Yeah, but I read about druidism, shamanism and other philosophies but I couldn’t find myself. That was when I officially gave up of having a religion. 

I forgot to tell you about the christian ones, right? I’m sorry, I lived with them since my childhood. With a catholic family, I had a lot of contact with churches and the christian God. I read the Bible, learned prayers and attended masses. Once, I got healed from a disease I had when I got on my knees before a crucifix. I swear I thought about believing on that religion from that moment on, but I still coundn’t really see myself in there.

My sister decided to leave catholicism too, she became a spiritist. I went to the spiritist centers with her sometimes, I saw spirits in the body of people, I talked to them and they told me a lot of things that seemed to make sense. I got amazed for that for some time, but soon I realized that wasn’t for me too.

I met african matrix religions too and I swear, I swear, I swear, I couldn’t find myself. Why?

I was trying to fit 100% but that’s impossible, at least for me. I have my own dogmas and my own practices, I can’t follow any rule just because I’m from a specific religion. I just can’t! If you can, that’s great, I’m so glad you could find yourself somewhere, feel embraced somewhere, but I couldn’t.

I got sad, I cried, I thought I was an aberration that couldn’t fit anywhere. But in my darkest moment, I saw the light and it told me to raise my head. I don’t need a religion because being free is my religion. The unique rule I follow is the one I said. “Do whatever you want if it doesn’t hurt anyone”. I no more look for acceptance in somewhere, no more look for fitting some place, some religion. I’m out of the churches, out of the centers, out of the magical circles… I’m in myself.

With no god to support me, I found myself as my own support. I only could go on when I decided to set myself free from any religious chain. I broke the barriers and faced the world by myself. That made me stronger. I discovered my true self and now I feel I know who Agatha Melina Munteanu truly is.

If you feel comfortable in a religion, that’s okay, as I said. You don’t need to stop believing something because I told you to. Actually I didn’t even tell you to do it, don’t misunderstand me. I’m telling you that if you feel lost, if you feel you don’t fit anywhere, try to think about what I said. Study about other religions and see them critically. If you still don’t find yourself, think again. Do you need a religion? I don’t.

I’ve never kissed anyone. At least, until this moment when I’m writing this, I’ve never kissed anyone. That may change, I’m talking to a boy and something may happen between us, but it’s not about it I came to write.

You feel you’re a failure because you’ve never touched other person’s lips? Or you feel you’re failure because you still virgin? This chapter is for you. You may be a failure, but being a virgin is not the reason.

Some people don’t feel like having sex, they’re not a failure. So, if you’ve never had sex, even you want it, you’re not a failure. But we think we are, I understand how hard it is. You start making yourself a lot of questions, wondering if you’re ugly, if you’re unattractive… Your self esteem gets worse every time you see yourself in the mirror. You think “oh, that’s me, that’s the shit I am, no one wants me because I’m a shit”.

I still think it everyday, it’s sad. But what did I do? When being ugly and unattractive became a thing that doesn’t bother me anymore? When I learned how to quake with the earthquake. I just accepted that I’m not beautiful and probably I’ll never be. That’s the life. Some people born with the beauty, other people born with the intelligence, other born with musical talents. Beauty is not everything, you don’t have to be beautiful to have sex, you can be interesting.

If a man told you he wouldn’t fuck you because you’re ugly, burn him! Just kidding, it’s a crime. But don’t care about him, he’s probably just another superficial spoiled boy playing the womanizer. You want a man like this in your life? I don’t think so.

Be interesting. You have qualities, of course, everyone have, you just have to find them and use them. Make them part of your personality and become interesting. For example, I write songs very well. If a non-superficial-spoiled-boy talks to me, I talk about songwriting. That makes me interesting. He may feel attracted to me by my qualities and that’s great.

If your quality is beauty, great too. Use it. But don’t think it’s the unique quality in the world and most important: don’t try to let other people down ‘cause feelings weren’t meant to play and appearance is something that really shakes our feelings, even when you accept you’re ugly. Use your beauty, of course, but find more qualities on you. You can play basketball? You can swim? You can sing? You can draw? What can you do?

“Oh, Agatha, I’m a failure, I have no talents, I can do nothing...” - Shut up! You’re wrong! Some qualities are harder to find than others. Be patient, try a lot of things and I’m sure you’ll find something you’re good at, something you like to do, something you can add to your personality to be interesting.

After you do it, things will improve, I swear. Being okay with yourself opens doors to many things. Create a profile on Tinder, put your photo and write about you. Interesting people will show up to talk to you by your qualities.

You may feel you’re not ready. If you’ve never kissed and are older than the usual for a person who’s never kissed, don’t worry. It’s okay to feel you’re not ready. I feel I’m not ready! I’m going to meet that boy I said at friday and I’m so afraid of doing something wrong (wish me luck). I may be afraid, but I am not desperate because I can tame the current. Where the fear comes, then?

Every time you do something new, you get afraid, it’s inevitable. You get anxious too. I am not going to extend because I have more important things to talk about.

Science only allows you to claim something with 99,9% with certainty. When you jump from a cliff, you’re sure you’ll fall, but for science, it’s not 100% certain. What if you don’t fall? What if laws of gravity change at that moment and you’re thrown straight to the sky? You would be ready for a fall, you know you’d probably die or have serious injuries. But would you be ready to be thrown to Earth’s orbit?

You’re never ready. Not 100%. If you’re doing something for the first time, if you’ve never kissed, you’ve never had sex and you’re about to have, it’s natural to feel afraid, it’s human. So thinking you’re not ready it’s perfectly normal, you’re really not. When you try to tame the current, you don’t know what comes next in the sea, it’s a risk you take, but risks are necessary because you learn with your mistakes, you get wiser.

“But, Agatha, I feel I will never find a person to kiss me and do dirty things with me, you know.” - Shut up again! Shut up, shut up, shut up! Take your time. If you get in a hurry, you’ll get desperate, you can lose the pace of the earthquake! But don’t get waiting an entire life for the right one, an enchanted prince in a white horse bringing you a diamond ring and beautiful flowers. A prince won’t show up! Do something, girl. Try. Get experience.

If you play some RPG you probably understand what XP is. Get XP, experience points. Explore the world, try new things and stop blaming that you can’t kiss anyone because of your appearance. You’re not your appearance, you’re many things in a heap of meat. Find your essence.

I’m upset! First of all: my laptop charger broke and I’m having to use an old laptop, that lags all the time. Plus, the boy I talked about, the one I was going to meet on friday, we didn’t! We postponed it to saturday, but we didn’t meet this day too. I’m frustrated. Every time I try to have a night with someone nice, something goes wrong and fucks all my plans. I feel so empty…

Wow, emptiness is an interesting issue. How exactly is this feeling? You feel it when everything goes wrong, when you have nothing to be proud of. “Oh, but you should be proud of yourself” - damn, no! This is for those who born in a golden cradle. Some people can’t be proud of themselves because they did absolutely nothing in this life. If this is your case, you know what I’m saying, right?

At school, you weren’t the most clever nor the most beautiful nor the most athletic type nor the most talented. At your work, you’re not exceptional. You don’t have a good sexual and loving life. You have two or three friends. You have less than one hundred followers on Instagram. In short, you suck.

I put my finger in your wound, right? Don’t worry, I’m just like you. I have nothing to be proud of too. “But Agatha, you’re a singer, a writer, you write beautiful songs!” - that may be true for you, but not for me. I don’t think I’m a good singer, a good writer or a good anything else. I know I said in a previous chapter I write well, but it’s not that well to be a thing I can be proud of (it’s more like something I don’t do horribly). I feel empty.

Empty because it seems my life sucks, it seems it’s useless. But, wait, you have a point. You pointed things I should be proud of. Isn’t that hard when you’re looking from another point of view, right? It’s hard for me, but not for you. Self-judgement is a weapon we always use against ourselves. You say I’m a good writer, I can’t see how good I am. Anyways, if I knew you, I surely could point things you should be proud of too, things you don’t think you’re good at.

But I don’t know you. Look at yourself in the mirror, pretend you’re another person. If you’re a girl, you’ll be called Juliet; if you’re a boy, you’ll be called Jimmy; if you’re non-binary, you’ll be called Alex. Now close your eyes, Juliet-Jimmy-or-Alex, deep breathe, and analyze the life of the person you used to be.

What a sad life, huh? Just kidding. Look at all the things you do, think about what people tell you when you do these things. Are you good at it? Are people lying just to don’t make you sad or you’re being paranoid? Don’t you trust your friends? Then you can’t trust anyone else. Hear them.

If you’re not good at what you’re thinking, think on another thing! And, finally, you’ll see it. Open your eyes and stare into yourself in the mirror. You found something to be proud of, get it and develop it.

If you haven’t found anything, then think about the things you want to be proud of. Get them and develop them. Life’s constant. We can’t pause it and resume it when we want, then don’t be stagnant in time. Try to develop yourself and your prides. I may be proud of writing this chapter today, but tomorrow I may be not. That’s why I’ll study, read and probably rewrite it. I need to develop this book and develop myself. I hope that one day I can be really proud of that I’m writing here.

I hope that one day I can be proud of my life, and you can be proud of yours.

Pull the trigger, tie the knot, drink the poison, kill yourself. Metaphorically, of course. The one you have to kill is your old self. That person before reading this book. The person that used to play the hero against the earthquake, that was trying to fit somewhere, that was desperate because was almost twenty years and didn’t have the first kiss yet, that was sad because thought that was an useless being. Kill that thing! You’re not this anymore.

Remember about the boy I talked about last chapters? We kissed. See? I didn’t get desperate, I accepted I was ugly but I put in my mind I was interesting. It worked! The more calm you stay front of your problems, more fast you’ll find a solution. Don’t worry, just relax. Your life’s a shit anyway and you can’t change it overnight. You take years to change it by studying, working and growing up, but I’m not here to tell you how to do it because I’m not your parent, guardian or teacher. I’m here to tell you how you can handle your shitty life. I hope you could see it.

Alright, killed your old self? Create a new one. You don’t have to do everything I told you but you can learn something from all these chapters, right? Your new one may have a religion, may have an active sex life (and the chapter about it was completely useless for you), I don’t know. You don’t have to be a copy of me. Clones are nice, but not this way.

I told you how I handle my life, now tell how you will handle yours. I really hope my tips could help you. I have to stop writing it now because my album will be released in two weeks and I hadn’t finished this book yet. The book will be released in the same day as the album. The pre-order started yesterday and my managers are almost killing me. Ugh! See you soon.

Love, Agatha.

Após a leitura, os cientistas conversaram rapidamente com a cantora e quiseram saber de onde ela tirou inspiração para escrever um livro como aquele. Ela conta que veio da necessidade que sentiu de ajudar outras pessoas, pois ela já tinha passado por maus bocados psicologicamente e pensar daquele jeito foi o que a resgatou. A romena declara que só queria dizer a todos como conseguiu superar muitas coisas e se reerguer e mostrar através de cinco capítulos que todos são capazes de fazer o mesmo. Ela diz que o livro é literalmente um tutorial de como sair da fossa. A artista diz que tentou ser o mínimo clichê possível pois essas frases de "fique bem" e "você é amado", basta abrir o Twitter par encontrar pelo menos vinte no mês de setembro, mas isso não ajuda ninguém, pode abrir um sorriso no máximo, mas não muda em nada. A pessoa precisa entender que ela é a única que pode mudar a sua situação pois ninguém mais liga, já que cada um tem os seus próprios problemas, conforme ela explica. A abordagem pode ter sido um pouco dura, ela confessa, mas ela conta que simplesmente disse coisas que precisavam ser ditas para pessoas que precisavam ouvir. Ela aproveita para divulgar o seu álbum Chaos, que saiu há pouco tempo e que mostra todo esse lado angustiante e desesperador da pessoa que está passando por esses problemas. Entretanto, recomenda a leitura do livro após ouvir o disco.

Por fim, os cientistas dão as suas opiniões, discordando em alguns pontos, mas concordando em outros e parabenizando Agatha pela atitude de escrever um livro com a intenção de ajudar as pessoas. A discussão científica continua até o final do programa, com Agatha um pouco ausente, mas ainda participando eventualmente. Então, quando o programa finalmente acaba, Dirty Desire é tocado mais uma vez. Todos se despedem dos ouvintes e o apresentador principal convida a todos para ouvirem o próximo episódio do programa.